We’re All Made of Clay After All

Every person is the result of everything that has happened to them in their life. Not only that, but also the decisions we make in response to those things. A person who spent their childhood riddled with abuse might become a weak spirit. Or they might become a public speaker against abuse and violence in general.

The cool thing is that, if we’re lucky, we can look back fondly on the things that have helped shape us.

Who are you?

I am an exceptionally complex person. Many things have shaped who I am. Some things much cooler than others. Some of my experiences I miss dearly. But they can’t pay the bills.

As a kid, my family took annual vacations to various places in the country. My sister and I didn’t appreciate it most of the time. We saw it as being trapped in a car away from our friends. Despite that, I’ve seen some incredible parts of our country that no one can take away from me. It also helped me with our national geography.

As a teen I was a lifeguard. I burned like crazy, got more freckles than should be possible, and constantly judged my body against all others (and lost). However, that experience gave me confidence in the water, a knowledge of several life saving skills, and a love of water.

As a young adult and new teacher, I volunteered time in the summer to the local children’s hospital. Rather than fall into one of their pre-conceived opportunities, I piloted a reading program for them. It was amazing. I traveled to the various in-patient wards and read books to the kids. Sometimes I was relief from bored one. Sometimes I kept a premie company. Occasionally I became a performer to distract a cystic fibrosis patient from their therapy sessions (not to mention a great bribe when they needed to cough and didn’t want to).

Today, I’ve left teaching for a life in retail. While customers can suck something fierce, it’s a hell of a lot better than crazy parents (and I do mean the actual crazy ones, not just the ones who love their kids). I have this blog. Not a single person I know has ever actually seen it, unless by complete accident and they wouldn’t know who’s writing it. I have a YouTube channel. Obviously I can’t hide my identity on a video, but it helps me continue with my love of books. I’m also looking into opportunities to expand my love of reading and talking. The chances of getting into a voice over gig are slim, but there are others ways to feed that need.

So who are you? What has shaped you? Are you embracing the things you love, even if it’s not what makes you money?

I sure hope everyone out there has a passion keeping them going. I hope your job doesn’t drain you of all of your physical and emotional energy. I hope you have plenty left over when you get home to your family. It’s a pretty nice way to live.

How Do You Want to be Remembered?

When was the last time you got upset? Angry? Threw a tantrum? For most people, getting upset or angry about things is commonplace, but most have enough self control to not throw a tantrum.

Some people, however, don’t seem to have that particular ability.

We’ve all seen them. Those people who scream and cuss and call honest working people liars and law breakers over something that seems so insignificant to the rest of us.

I have personally seen people through holy terror fits over the following:

“I got home and noticed the cardboard on my cereal box has a cut in it” (the bag, mind you, was completely in tact, but obviously that cut cardboard poisoned the whole bag)

“There is a sale tag on the product next to this one, so this one must be on sale too!” (When told it doesn’t work that way, she claimed the company used ‘deceptive’ practices to trick their customers.

“There wasn’t a sale rage on this product but it rang up on sale. That’s illegal! You can’t do that!!” (Upon checking the shelf, the sale tag was indeed there, so the customer then claimed that someone must have put it up when she was at the register. Right lady. You just got punked over a whole dollar!!)

“My daughter dropped this in the parking lot and it broke. It happened on your property so I get my money back!” (This one escalated to the point of this woman cussing and screaming in some poor kid’s face until they were crying and a manager told the woman she could leave on her own or she could leave with the police. She said she’s be calling her lawyer. I wonder how that conversation went?)

A woman in the grocery store who clearly had no control over her son got pisses at the store when he kid barreled through and knocked down a large display of canned goods. They didn’t even ask her to help clean it up and pay for the damaged pieces, but she was still pisses because they apparently should have known that a tower of products would be too tempting for a kid who needed a whole bag of marshmallows to survive a 20 minute grocery trip. (Wow)

Kids starts literally claiming the shelves in a store. Mom ignores the child. Employee, worried about the shelves failing, tells the child they can’t climb on them. Mom then starts screaming at the employee. How dare she tell her kid what to do. How dare she act like she knows how to raise HER kid. Snotty little brat!!! (While the rest of these have been random observations in life, this one actually happened to me years ago when I was working through college. Apparently independently making my way through college made me a snotty little brat!)

What has happened to the world?!? Why are people so quick to freak out over a misplaced price sticker or the concern of a stranger. It’s almost as if we’ve become a society that condemns good deeds. We’ve also decided that every single person everywhere must be flawless, but it’s ok if I specifically fuck up on a regular basis.

We have become a society of holier than thou assholes. And those rare stories about something positive are the rare glimmer of hope that decency still exists. People no longer have shame for their misdoings. Nor do they care if they make a complete ass out of themselves as long as they get their way in the end.

If you’re reading this, I challenge you to look into the eyes of each and every person providing a service for you. If you’re upset about something, ask to speak with a manager. And then do just that: speak. Don’t scream. Don’t yell. Don’t cuss. Believe it or not, you’re going to get a better result by being calm and gracious. The ones who throw fits get the bare minimum of what is required. Those who bring up issues just for the sake of letting a company know get a hell of a lot more. They get the price difference. They get a heartfelt apology. They get thanked for their patience and understanding. And believe me, when they walk out the door, they get discussed among the employees as the breath of fresh air rather than the psycho who needs to grow up.

Think about how you look to others. Think about how you want to be remembered.

When the World Plants a Seed

I was told, after finding out about my pregnancy, to be prepared for some crazy dreams. I dream all the time, so I figured it would be no different.

Boy was I wrong!

Over the last month my dreams have taken me further into my past than I realized I remembered. Maybe I fabricated what was in the dreams. I just don’t know. But last night took the cake…so far.

It seems to me that the non-impregnated population thinks it’s a fun game to guess what every pregnant woman is having, and when. I’m no exception. I’ve had boy, girl, twins and twin boys on the list. The final one was by a very insistent woman who claims to be the baby whisperer. That is why I truly don’t know if my dream was because of her crazy insistence two weeks ago, or if it was something of intuition.

In my dream, I gave birth. Those precious little babies were placed on my chest and I was a goner. The rest of the world could fade away and i’d never know it. Those two little boys were perfect.

But it didn’t stop there. I had no memory of the actual delivery. This is true in all of my delivery dreams. I assume because my subconscious has no idea what to create. In an effort to find out more about my babies and how they came into the world, I began pursuing answers. I went to the nearby children’s hospital and requested my records. I was flatly refused; being told that the records are private, even to me. I didn’t know how far along I had been (true in real life) so I was desperate to know if my babies had been carried to term. No one would tell me.

I’m not a mom yet, but let me tell you the prospect of someone not answering my questions is a very scary thought. No one wants to be left in the dark; especially a new mommy.

So, now I’m left to wonder about this dream. More than likely the idea of these boys was planted in my head because of that woman. She took away the possibility of my own intuition and planted a seed. There is no history of twins on either side of our family, so the likelihood is just tiny. Though I must admit I’m even more curious about my next appointment than I was before. It will be my first exam and easily the end of my first trimester, possibly even more than that. At the very least, I want to hear the heart.

Thanks for reading! I promise to continue with my random thoughts on the world. But this is important to me as well now.

Swap Shops: do you realize you’re endorsing theft?

I’ve seen them before; photos on Facebook of someone’s swap shop bounty. They all boast about how much money they saved on every day items.

We all are eager to save a few bucks. I get that. But does anyone ever take pause to consider how these trashy people can afford to sell this stuff so cheap? They definitely aren’t benevolent people. Believe me they turn quite a nice profit. But how? The answer is simple: coupon fraud.

That’s right. I said it. Fraud.

Most call them extreme couponers. Extreme often means illegal. Unfortunately, most retailers are so desperate to keep their customers happy that they will accept what essentially is theft-losing money in the process-just to keep those positive customer surveys coming in.

If you actually ready those coupons, they are designed to protect the retailer. They state quite plainly that they cannot be combined with other offers, have limits to how many items per coupon or coupons per customer, transaction, and day. The trouble starts when a cashier actually reads the coupon. They try to abide by the regulations of the coupon, or even just deny the use of an expired coupon, and they are met with the most toddler-like temper tantrum. Most cashiers are part-time students just trying to make gas money to have fun with friends. They aren’t emotionally equipped to handle this kind of tirade. Frankly, most people aren’t. They are forced to turn to their managers. The managers are often faced with an impossible decision: make the customer happy at a loss to the company or stand their ground and piss off a thief who will undoubtedly take to social media to slam the company?

What most people don’t realize is that the makers of these coupons access the sales records of retailers. If those records show suspicious activities in regard to coupons, the retailers do not get reimbursed. They get charged at the end of the month.

And it doesn’t stop there. People will go to the clearance section of a store, meticulously remove the low price rage, and stick it another product. They will take sale signs from on and put it on another more expensive item. They then demand that this price be honored. All of this so they can take it to a swap shop and turn a profit for themselves.

Forgive me for saying so, but each and every one of them are assholes. Complete and total assholes.

What happened to people being good and honest? Why are we all so desperate to make a quick buck that we will step on anyone and everyone to get there?

It makes me sick.
It makes me angry.
It makes me wish I could tell each and every one of those assholes at the swap shops exactly what I think of them.

But I can’t.

Instead, I bring you all this challenge: whatever you need, come by it honestly. Do not support the dishonesty of others by buying their stolen products. Stop treating honest working individuals like gum on your shoe for following policies they did not write. Have some integrity.

Above all else: treat every person around you in a manner in which you would like to be treated. No one wants to be yelled at for something beyond their control. I don’t come to your office building and yell at you for your slow typing skills and poor grammar. Don’t claim to know someone else’s business any more than they claim to know yours.

Pregnancy and all its wonders…

Well, I won’t be making a public announcement for a few weeks yet, but my anonymous blog is the perfect place for me to break the news that I’m expecting!!

I’m only 7 weeks along at this point (possibly 11 if my last cycle really was implantation bleeding), but since I won’t know until next month for sure, I’m going with the former and keeping it to myself for now.

As I’m sure we’ve all seen, there are articles and blogs and a million other things all over social media about pregnancy, motherhood, and breast feeding. You can figure out what to expect and anything else. Well, most every article says your symptoms start around 6 weeks. I am finding that to not quite be true.

I found out at just under 4 weeks, the days my symptoms hit me like a ton of bricks. There were a few that took me by surprise. I’m going to share two of them so others may not be as taken off guard as I was…

You’re tired. Oh so tired.
I have read that many times. Yeah, I’ll be tired. No biggie, I’ve been tired before. No no, you have no idea! My first day of symptoms, just hours before taking that fateful test, I had slept a full 8 hours and then found myself in a chair visiting my in laws barely able to keep my eyes open. Three times they asked if I wanted to go lie down for a while. I should have taken them up on the offer because work that night was hell. I felt like a zombie.
There have also been days when I wake up from a full nights sleep, have a cup of coffee, and promptly return to my pillow for another 2-3 hours of slumber. That’s right, the caffeine does nothing for me anymore. This beautiful substance that used to take me from dragging to skipping in one cup flat is now as effective as someone using the ever annoying phrase “wake up sleepy head”.
Be prepared to be more exhausted than you’ve ever imagined possible. And really, when they tell you to take advantage of possible nap time, DO IT!!
A nurse helped me realize why I’m so tired even before I really can tell I have a tiny human in me. Hormones. I know, we’ve all heard about the raging hormones. Think of it this way: in one day of being pregnant, you produce the same amount of hormones as a typical person produces in a full year!! That’s a lot of hormones to get used to!

The second one: your boobs. Again, we’ve all heard they change. Not good enough. The things my boobs have put me through are the stuff of a Stephen King novel!
They hurt. I’m not talking about being tender and more susceptible to pressure. I mean I let them air dry after a shower because touching them with a towel can be equated to smashing them with a hammer kind of pain!! My husband is not allowed to hug me tight. It would make me yelp like a puppy after someone treads on his tail.

Then there’s the heat. Good god the heat!!! I’d been told my boobs would swell and change color, but no one mentioned I’d be carting around two furnaces capable of generating enough heat for a small country. I was laying in bed just last night and one if my arms was resting just above my navel. The heat radiating from my chest was extreme enough that it was uncomfortable! I had to move my arm for fear of first degree burns!

I guess I can’t complain though. This coming winter they will probably be the best hand warmers in the world!!

I’m sure I will log about other occurrences, but for today I will leave it at two. Soak it in and be prepared!!

America is in a back sliding free fall. Can we stop it?

I am absolutely unable to not write about what happened in our country yesterday. Social media is exploding and so is my poor psyche.

Hobby Lobby won. They do not have to pay for insurance simply because insurance companies provide contraception. As I understand it, the ruling on the case is that a privately owned company has the right to do so based on religious beliefs. Hobby Lobby claims to be a Christian company.

So….what about the fact that they get basically their entire stock from China? A country known for it’s horrible labor conditions including child labor and death. With 200 people dying at work each day, you’d think it’s a population control measure!

And what about their hiring process? I used to shop there (though i refuse to now) and frequently noticed a wide variety of employees who, while I don’t judge personality on looks, appeared to be of various beliefs systems from Christian to pagan to atheist. Jewelry is a very telling accessory.
Can Hobby Lobby also now discriminate in their hiring process on the basis of religion?? I mean, they ARE privately owned, so they’re above the law, right?

I don’t have TV, so I rarely to never see the news. I read though. A lot. Marriage equality has become a huge movement in our country. It’s no secret that I’m a huge supporter of it. This is a story big enough to be everywhere. So was the story of law makers in KS being granted the right to refuse service to “gays”, also citing religious beliefs.

I’m not religious. I was once, but found it all far too hypocritical for me. I was taught that being a good Christian meant loving your neighbor no matter what. Not once did I ever read a bible verse that commanded me to shun, belittle, and stymie in any way possible those who don’t do exactly as I do.

This might help:

Maybe I’m alone in this, but it seems to me that our country is making slow progress in some areas and reverting to full on 1950s in others.

And for anyone out there who believes this “freedom of religion” baloney, why is it you think your religion is above someone else’s? I’m serious. If you ask me, Hobby Lobby has every right to hang posters and hand out literature to their employees to make it clear that they stand firmly against contraception. But when it comes down to it, their employees also have the freedom to not listen and make their own choices in life. The company is paying for insurance coverage in general. It’s not solely for birth control.

Hell, one of my best friends went on the pill at 14. It has nothing to do with sex. She was being threatened with expulsion for her monthly absences. The school didn’t believe that a 14 year old girl could have periods so severe that she had to lay in bed with her hips elevated for 5 days and once required a transfusion. She has since had a full hysterectomy at the age of 37 at the urging of her doctors. It developed into a life threatening problem. The pill helped her when she was young. It did nothing once she had her daughter.

What blows my mind the most in this is that I see where it’s going from here. Privately owned companies will be able to discriminate on religion, sex, sexual orientation, race and anything else because apparently being privately owned places you above the law.

Now fast forward. Many, many years forward. Our country is going to be divided. Too many people are too strongly opinionated in too many things and all believe they should have control. We will end up in war and it will divide our country. Whether we end up with sections of our country following different ideals or just with new countries altogether, I don’t know. But some day in the future, I truly believe it will happen. We’re all too stubborn and judgmental for it not to happen.

While I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who are ecstatic about this decision, I, for one, will no longer be giving my patronage to Hobby Lobby, and I hope there are many more of the same sentiment.