Chasing a Dream or Harnessing Reality?

Today is the day I give a full disclosure…

I want to be a singer.

Really, I couldn’t care less about fame and fortune. I actually don’t want my life splattered in magazines or anything like that. I just want to be a singer. I want to stand on a stage with a mic in my hand and let loose with all the songs I love so much. I’ve been submerged in the world of karaoke for the last few years and have been getting amazing and flattering feedback since day one and at an increasing rate as time has passed, but it’s no longer enough for me. I would literally be singing all day every day if it were socially acceptable to do so.

So what’s the problem? Life gets in the way; always in the way. I’m in the process of getting my first home. That’s more important to me than any glorified hobby. I need to be making steady money to make it a reality. However, all of this cannot diminish my fire and passion for music. I have some power, but I don’t have all the resources. I don’t play any instrument well enough to play as part of an ensemble, so I would need a whole band behind me.

I recently got pulled up on stage with a local cover band to sing and it was phenomenal, but they picked a song I didn’t know by heart and gave me no warning of what I was singing, they just started playing, so I felt like a total dunce leaning on their lead like an actress who can’t remember her lines.

I WISH WISH WISH WISH WISH I knew enough people who were just as dedicated and versatile to create my own cover band. The versatility is probably the biggest obstacle. I love most music. I have favorites in every genre, even if it isn’t a forte for me. I started making a song list. It’s more than 100 songs long and I haven’t even delved into the songs I haven’t yet considered for karaoke.

So for the time being, I will wait patiently for my own home so I can cook my husband dinner in my undies while blasting my favorite songs day in and day out. And maybe this local band will pull me up with them again some time.

Songs I love today (because it changes on a daily basis)

Say Something: A Great Big World/Christina Aguilera
Clarity: Zedd
Best Woman Wins: Dolly Parton
The Hill: Marketa Irglova
Here With Me: Dido
Hands: Jewel
Just about anything by Phil Collins
Bad Influence: P!ink
Same Love: Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
Just about anything by Journey
Smile: Sixx A.M.
Titanium: David Guetta & Sia
Alanis Morisette
I’m the Only One: Melissa Etheridge
What’s Up: 4 Non Blondes

There are so many more, but I’m just pulling off the top of my head.

Everyone Wants To Tell Their Story

I’m not really much on bragging. I don’t like being the center of attention. But something happened to me last night that I just can’t not tell someone about, so I turn to the anonymity of the internet and my blog to allow me tell this story.

I am a karaoke addict. There is no question about it. A big part of the reason I’m so addicted to it is because I love to sing, and I love to sing for others, but I do not by any means pretend to be star quality. I have confidence in my voice. It’s not bad, but I’m no Mariah, Kelly or P!nk. I also do not possess the physical aspects deemed worthy of a star. I like the way I look, but I’m no Cindy, Bjorn or Tyra.

This is why I choose karaoke. I can sing literally any song I feel like singing and, chances are, someone in the bar is either going to be hit with a fit of nostalgia, or they’ll just be so drunk they will love anything, and I will get a reaction comparable to what most stars see from every single fan. High fives are plentiful and smiles are abundant. Karaoke is the one place I can feel like a bit of a star because there is always someone else in the place who is far too intoxicated to carry a tune and it reminds me that I do have something musical to offer the world.

Last night, my husband and I went on a double date with two very good friends. We went to a bar that my husband and I frequent enough to be known by the door man and the bartenders. The KJ knows when I walk through the door to just put my name of his list of singers and call me up. If I haven’t texted him a song list by the time my name is called, I’m sure to walk up there with a title in mind. It’s pretty cool. It’s as close to a VIP as I’ve ever gotten.

Well I started out the night with Separate Ways by Journey. It was the first time I’d ever done it, chosen by the KJ from the list I had sent him. With the very first note people in the bar were already excited; because who doesn’t love Journey? I sang it, got several high fives, and went back to my seat. I then went on to sing What’s Up by 4 Non Blondes, One Sweet Day by Mariah Carrey and Boyz 2 Men with the KJ, and Take Me or Leave Me from Rent with a friend of mine. Each song got a great reaction from the start. Apparently they were just great song choices for the people who were in the bar.

But that’s not the cool part…

At one point during the night, I went to replenish my water glass at the bar (something the bartenders are very much used to by now as I drink twice as much water as alcohol) and the bartender, ‘J’, began telling me something. I will not remember his entire speech, but in summary, he told me that he had always thought of me as a great singer and a breath of fresh air when compared with most others in the bar, but that I had gotten better and better over time and that I had been nothing short of phenomenal the entire night. He said I was by far and away the best singer they had ever had in the bar and one of the best singers he had ever heard.

J was extremely animated in telling me this and it made me blush like you wouldn’t believe. I’ve been complimented on random songs and gotten hugs for singing someone’s ‘favorite song’ “SO WELL”, but that was easily the best compliment I’ve ever gotten in my life. Some people have asked me if I’ve ever considered auditioning for one of the many countless talent shows on TV. I always laugh when I hear it. It’s not that I think they don’t have a good ear. It’s the fact that I know that so much more goes into those shows. I love to sing, but when you put a mic in my hand I sort of freeze, even after all this time. I can’t look most people in the eye, I shuffle quite awkwardly, and whatever hand isn’t holding the mic loses all signs of life and hangs dead at my side. I seem incapable to being physically animated when I sing. In a bar, no one notices that because they’re all talking to their friends and listening during the pauses in the conversation or else they are singing and dancing along. They aren’t looking to me for ALL of their entertainment. I’m just background noise bringing back the occasional memory or two with the right song choice.

Many a night I have found myself singing the songs I love to sing in my car, but last night was by far the best night out I’ve had…possibly ever.

Glad I have people to tell who can’t see my face. That would be humiliating.