Cross Your Legs if You Can’t Handle It

Today’s blog is highly controversial. You don’t have to agree with me. Just know that you will not change my mind on this matter. Especially if you plan to use belittling or name-calling as your method. So just don’t try. 

I have been enormously disturbed lately at the direction our country is going in. Even more disturbing are huge numbers of people who just don’t get it. 

Let’s start with the new bathroom law in North Carolina. Simply put, one must use the restroom that corresponds with their sex at birth. This immediately throws up all kinds of red flags to somehow who knows sex is way beyond black and white(or male and female as it were). What about intersex individuals? For those who don’t know, that’s a person whose genitals are not fully male OR female at birth. For decades doctors have forced parents to choose their child’s sex at birth. It is only now becoming acceptable for parents to be given the option to take their baby home and find out in time what the true nature of their child is or, better yet, wait until their child can tell them if they’re a boy or a girl. So, these people were not born with a sex at all. They were ASSIGNED a sex. Big difference if you ask me. India actually has a word for this that is even used on drivers licenses. Yay, India!

There’s also the issue of transsexuals. Let’s be clear here with my particular references because even the Internet can’t seem to give clear definitions. A transgender is someone who was born as one sex but who not only identifies as the opposite sex but who has also taken drastic measures toward BECOMING that sex (from what I’ve been told, someone in the early stages of transition is more likely to be extremely discreet and cautious of bathroom usage until they can be undetected so as it to cause trouble). A transsexual is someone who used to be a transgendered person but has now had the full sexual reassignment surgery and now has the gentialia of their true sex. According to this law, it doesn’t matter. Someone who was born a woman, became a man, and has had the necessary surgery to now have a penis is supposed to go in the women’s restroom. Likewise, a former man who has been surgically granted a vagina must still go in the men’s room; vagina, boobs and all. 

So, how the hell are they planning on enforcing this? Soon you’ll hear about the amendment to this fucked up law that requires everyone to carry their birth certificate with them to prove to the guard at the door which room they belong in. Otherwise, you’re not likely to know. 

Now Target has released a statement reiterating their gender neutral bathrooms. For those who think this is new news: you’re wrong. This has been a long-standing policy for Target. They simply chose to make a stand in regards to it to show that they support the transgender community. 

So, how have I come to a place of acceptance in this? Research, experience, and a true want of knowledge. Also because I know someone who is a full blown transsexual. I’ve known him since he was an eight year old girl being called a freak because “she” preferred more boy-like objects and activities. I watched him go through puberty. It’s hard enough to go through it being exactly who you look like. He went through it completely baffled by everything and so confused as to what it all meant and had no one to talk to about it all. I was there when he finally realized he isn’t a girl. He’s a boy. And not just a boy; a homosexual boy. I was around before, during, and after his transition. If you saw him today, you wouldn’t dare tell him to go to the women’s room. He’d scare the hell out of everyone in there, because he’s clearly a man. 

To be frank, every person out there who is so offended by us supporters; those who claim we’re giving “perverts and rapists” a free pass, needs to open their fucking eyes. Transgendered people have been around for decades. You’ve been peeing next to them all your life. The only difference now is that they’re no longer in hiding. The world, and man kind (mostly), has evolved to understand and accept that this is just something that occurs in life. 

To address the pervert rapist speech I’ve heard so much I could recite it: there has never been a barrier at the bathroom door. If a predator decided to attack in the bathroom, they’d wait until the opportune moment and strike. They wouldn’t care how anyone looked. Bathroom attacks have happened a thousand times before, and none of them claimed to identify as transgender. Transgender people only want to pee in an environment that they don’t feel threatened in. Too bad NC had to go and make them feel threatened regardless of the door they walk through. 

And the worst suggestion I’ve heard through all of this is to just give them their own bathroom. There are two major flaws in this. First, no establishment can suddenly materialize an extra bathroom in their space. They would have to reconstruct and entire section of their building. Second, the very idea of this sets us back more than half a century!!

Separate but equal used to be a thing. It used to be accepted as totally normal (to the white majority). It used to be seen as something to “keep our children safe”. Today? It’s seen as one of the most abhorrent times in our country. Slavery probably takes the cake, and the utter destruction of native Americans takes top marks too, but this by far the worst thing to happen in our recent history. 

We once saw blacks as somewhat less than human. Are we now suggesting the same thing about people whose physical appearance doesn’t match their biological reality? 

To me, this is unacceptable. We simply cannot backslide like this. We still have huge race issues in our country and now this. Not to mention the new outlet bullying has found in social media. People are becoming so ugly and it makes me sick. Let people pee. Let people be who they are. Worry about your own damn self. And if you’re so freaking worried that your kid will become a target, keep them fit, teach them self defense, and give them a tool to alarm others nearby when they’re in danger or feel threatened. Women have been taught to do that for years anyway. Don’t use something you’re afraid of or ignorant of be the scapegoat for why you aren’t teaching your child these things. 

Toilet Talk: Beyond the Cooler

There is a whole new issue that has been gaining a lot of media attention lately. And writing about it myself could get me some major backlash. I just don’t care. You came here to read what I think, and that’s what you will get. 

For those of you who haven’t been living in a hole, you’ve probably seen a few stories about transgendered people and bathroom use. Schools, offices, and gyms tend to be at the forefront of this controversy. 

A month ago I was asked for my opinion on the matter. I knew I needed more information, but at face value my answer was that a person should use the facility that match their anatomy. Oh how dumb I was. 

I actually had the wrong definitions in my head. I’m hoping that everyone who is causing a ruckus over this is in the same boat. 

I spoke with my brother-in-law to gain some insight on this issue. He is a gay man with at least one transgender friend. When I asked for his opinion, he asked me to clarify if I was talking about transgendered or transsexual individuals. That’s where my education began. I mistakenly thought transgender was often a hermaphrodite who had been forced into the wrong sex and that a transgendered person was actually a transsexual. 

So let’s get a vocabulary lesson going here to clear up a few things. A hermaphrodite is a person who is born with both male and female sexual organs. This can be visible on the outside or undetected on the inside. When the condition is known, most families are pressured to choose what their child will be and a surgery performed to make it so. This will always cause problems later in that child’s life. It can also cause problems if the outer anatomy and the inner organs and hormones butt heads. 

Transgender refers to people who were born one sex and are in transition to the other. This often involves a very lengthy and expensive process with hormone therapy and a total life transformation. Many friends and even family members are lost along the way. I have had only a single experience with seeing the before and after of a transition. My brother-in-law’s friend, Alex transitioned. However, as a kid, I knew Alex as Lexi. Looking at him today, you wouldn’t have the slightest idea of his past appearance. Everything about him is a man…except for one thing you would never see. 

A transsexual is simply a person who has completed the entire process and has had the sexual reassignment surgery. Their anatomy now matches the appearance they so desperately wanted and needed to feel normal. 

So what does this mean for bathroom usage? Well, if we forced usage based on anatomy, our bathrooms would look like people of the opposite sex were coming in simply because they haven’t achieved full reassignment yet. 

I mistakenly thought this issue could allow predators to falsely claim to identify as the opposite sex to gain access to an area where their prey would be more vulnerable. This simply isn’t the case and my opinion has changed. 

If I were walking down the street looking at people, I would assume their sex/gender based on their appearance when fully clothed. What sits between their legs wouldn’t even register because it can’t be seen. Bathroom should operate in the same way. 

If a person has gone through the whole process to change their entire physical appearance, their anatomy means nothing to me. So you’ve spent the last…however long (see, I still need further education) changing from a man to a woman inuding long naturally grown hair and breasts but you still have a penis tucked into your skirt? Grab a stall, honey. When nature calls we need a toilet. If that person went into the men’s restroom, assault would be much more likely to occur (if that’s your argument on this issue). 

The true answer to this issue is so simple though. But no one will want to shell out the money to make it happen. We need to go European on this nonsense and have unisex bathrooms. 

There is a movie theater here in my city with the coolest ladies rooms. In your stall (which has a full sized door), you get a toilet, a chair, a sink, and a hand dryer. This stall is really not much larger than your typical handicap stall, but it provides what is needed for every step of the process. If every bathroom looked like this, there would be no need to assign anyone to a different area. The trouble is that is would be a very costly transition. Urinals would need to be removed (let’s face it, they’re nasty, unhygienic, and often misused anyway), stalls would need to be renovated, and plumbing would likely need major modification. And let’s not forget resetting our entire nation when it comes to mindset. 

I won’t lie. I would be fairly apprehensive to use this type of facility right now. The reason for that, though, has nothing to do with trans-anything. It’s about the assholes in the country who would use the setup as a place to prey upon others. And I don’t see it being a safe environment with cameras being installed and monitored in every facility until we live in a time when separate facilities are a distant memory. 

The solution is there, but may never be achieved. I hope most of you have gained at least one piece of know she here. 

I end this blog by saying right on, Planet Fitness! You guys know what’s up.