One of Our Biggest Problems

There is an issue among schools today that is often overlooked and ignored. There are many many things I could talk about. This is one I never see happening. And it’s one of the most simple things around. Apologizing.

Simply put; kids don’t apologize. For anything. Ever. Their parents never make them apologize. Administrators in schools never make them apologize. They are never made to face and acknowledge those whom they have wronged. The result of this is much like the result of living on social media. There is a sense of entitlement and invincibility that develops. It gets to the point where kids don’t just believe, but know that they can do whatever they want without any meaningful consequences.

I recently read an article about the abuse teachers must endure if they want to keep their job. Physical. Verbal. Emotional. It’s a daily thing. This has happened to me constantly in teaching. Death threats abound. Countless cuts and bruises. Permanent disabilities (yes, plural). And do want to know who is never held responsible?¿ The kids who cause all this damage.

I remember one day a couple years ago. I was working in a horrible school. Honestly, it was horrible. Fights were so common they no longer had consequences. You’d get sent home for the rest of that day if you drew blood. Unless the parents refused to come. Which happened almost every time. Well a friend of mine taught in a particularly nasty 4th grade room. Several kids had known feuds between families but they never adjusted the classes. I was in my room with the door closed, trying to enjoy my first plan time in weeks, when I heard the screaming. I had a radio on me but hadn’t heard any calls go out, so I peaked in the hall to see what was happening just in time to see my friend stumble out her own door (which a child had just thrown her through) and another kid in the hall shove past her and back into the room to go after some other kid. I started to run down the hall while calling for help on the radio. My friend was visibly exhausted. Whatever this was had been happening inside her room for a while. She said she’s been calling the office for 10 minutes but no one would come. So I called again saying we needed help NOW. The reply? Everyone is busy. Do what you can. I stepped in to try to keep the fighting kids apart. In the process I got shoved into the door and my arm was slammed and scraped across the door jamb. At that point I screamed into the radio that if they didn’t want me to throw all my training out the window and handle this in my own way that they would get someone there immediately. One person slowly made their way down the hall, clearly annoyed. By the time they got there the two of us had gotten the fighting kids apart and things had started to calm down. So I got scolded for “being rude on the radio” because “they had things to deal with” and I was “out of line” to make such a big fuss about something so small.

My friend collapsed to the floor. I stayed with her until the end of the day. No one ever talked to us about what happened and those kids were back in there the next day.

So what emergency had kept our administrators and counselors from helping us? A military parent had returned from duty and surprised her daughter on the other side of the building and all the people who were supposed to be helping us didn’t want to miss their chance to be on the news. Yep. Apathy is not restricted to the kids.

This is far from my worst encounter. So why bring it up? Because it was closest I’ve ever come in my entire career to getting an apology. But it didn’t happen that day. Or for several after. About a week later the kid who had slammed my arm was mouthing off to his teacher as I was walking by. I stepped in and gave him a piece of my mind. I didn’t yell or do anything inappropriate, but I told him no uncertain terms that for him to take out his anger on other people was not ok. I then showed him my arm. At this point I was sporting a nice 6 inch long deep purple bruise. I told him that this is what he does when he gets mad. He had no idea he had done it to me. He was shocked, but said nothing. I told him he had done that to his teacher as well but I was willing to bet he would never take responsibility for his actions. I then made him apologize for mouthing off in that moment and told my friend to not hesitate to call me if he needed to come to my room for a while. (Students were often sent to me because they would return to their class ready to apologize).

Two weeks later the whole school had a “positive post it” event in which teachers and students would write kind things and put it on doors or give it to someone. On my door appeared kind words and notes of me being a favorite teacher. Then there was one that simply said “sorry I bruised your arm. It was the only unsigned note, but the writer was obvious. I later found out his teacher told him to write it. But still, he never had to face me.

This is our problem. We’re so worried about making kids feel ashamed that we just let it all go. Or worse, we dish out unrelated consequences that the kids sometimes enjoy. Sleep all day in ISS for yelling at someone or flipping off a teacher? I’ll do that ALL THE TIME!

Apologizing is a lost art. Seriously. Looking someone one the eye and bringing yourself to their level while admitting that you did something you knew you shouldn’t have is a hard thing to do. It can be mortifying. But to avoid a kid growing up believing they are above everyone and everything is to make them stand in those situations and acknowledge that they are not. And it has to start young and it has to be handled consistently and with high expectations. And they have to deal with the fact that not all apologies will be accepted. Some people will remain mad at them for however long they decide to be mad. In some cases they won’t be able to repair the relationship. That’s part of life and if they don’t start learning it young, they will never learn.

When I was teaching third grade, I made a poster and hung it on my wall. It was a starting point on learning to apologize, and I made my students follow it every time something went wrong. “Im sorry for_____ It was wrong because________ Next time I will________” And I was strict with this structure too. They were not allowed to scoff or roll their eyes or they would start over. They weren’t allowed to say “because it was wrong”. They had to think harder than that. They weren’t allowed to say “next time I will not (insert shown behavior)”. They had to think of at least one appropriate way to handle the situation. Later in the year I required them to ask if the person accepted their apology and they were required to accept whatever answer they got with grace. If at any time in the entire process they showed attitude they were start from the beginning because I refused to let them continue their disrespectful behavior. Longest apology I ever had lasted a full hour. The rest of my students did their independent work during that time (I always had a lot of that prepared just in case), but even if they just sat there and watched what I was doing they were learning what I saw as a very valuable lesson.

My own three year old has to apologize for things big and small. This boy will go to school knowing that we admit our wrongs and we own up to them.

Maybe if all kids were raised with that ideal again our teachers would stop getting abused. Maybe kids would start to see the value in their own education. Maybe they would take responsibility in other areas of life (chores, schoolwork, grades?). And this new age crap of publicly shaming your kid online for something? It’s bullshit. It makes you look like a bad parent. Saw one the other day where a mom recorded her son dancing and crying because he had danced on a table at school. The whole time she was berating him and making fun of him. That won’t change his behavior. It’ll just make him more sneaky. She should have made him write out an apology letter and read it to every single person he had disrupted that day. He should have been made to go to the principal with a sincere apology and ask for forgiveness. Instead, there’s now a video of him online forever to shame him. For dancing. How ridiculous.

It’s ok for a kid to feel bad about their actions. It’s not ok for them to never have to look at themselves in a critical manner. It’s not ok for them to be shamed without ever actually making amends. Can we please end this era of no consequences? And can administrators stop making empty promises about it? Like the principal who told me I would get to sit down with the kid who told me he hoped my unborn baby would die and tried to get a bunch of kids to jump me. Or the asst. principal who told me I was “being ridiculous” for locking out a student who threatened to stab two of my students and rape me. Both of these were recorded and no consequences followed.

Suspending a kid is easy. Making them face themselves is important.

Why Teachers Shouldn’t Intervene

Would you let your child harm another child and have no consequences? What about their teacher? What about a teacher trying to prevent them from hurting another student? What would you do if you found out your child did this to an adult?

What you are looking at are images of my arms. The first is about two and a half inches long. The second bruise is only partially shown. It extends a full six inches up my arm. I can’t show it all because of an identifying mark on my arm beyond the scope of what you see. So what happened? I intervened. God help me, I stepped in when I saw a violent situation in my school which was threatening to become even more violent. I held a door to keep a student from attacking another student even more than he already had while a third student rushed the second to the nurse – head in his hands.

It all happened in a matter of seconds. I’m bringing my class down the hall. I see two students run out of their room and the door slams behind them. I hear something slam into the classroom door. Shouting. Then I see the teacher pressed up against the window in the door. I stepped over just as a student popped the door open while screaming at his teacher to let him through and she is trying to hold them back. I asked “do you need help?” She barely got out the word “yes” as I noticed her whole body trembling and on the verge of collapse.

I took the door and told her to step back. My skid proof shoes were not helping me. I was sliding and it took all my strength to keep this kid from busting out. I asked if the office had been called. Four times. No one in sight. I told my class to find someone. Thank heavens my students are great at keeping their heads about them in these situations. Unfortunately they’ve had a lot of practice and we’ve discussed how to handle it in several class meetings. We’ve never had a situation like that in our room, but they sadly see them more than any student should. And because our office is so overwhelmed and overstretched by the slough of calls they get every day, I am often the one to step in.

I have told my kids the same thing every year I’ve been in this district. If you are stupid enough to get into a fight (because yes, punching someone over being called a name is stupid), then I will not be putting myself in harm’s way for you. And in the event that you are blind-sided, I will know that something led up to it and I will only do what does not get me harmed. The only time I will fully step in is when a teacher is in an unsafe situation or I believe that severe and unwarranted bodily harm is about to be dished out.

Of course my kids want to ask me all kinds of “what ifs” for this. I simply tell them that they need to assume I will not go to bat for them. I have already suffered two permanent injuries from stepping in, and I am tired of pushing my limits for kids who basically don’t care and parents who enable the behavior to begin with. And yes, I know that is not always the case, but in my school it is always the same kids getting into fights and the consequences are minimal if anything.

I have told my co-worker to give her students the same speech and just let them metaphorically kill each other. I’d try to guide the kids into the halls where the cameras will catch every little bit of it, but she has lost too much weight from the anxiety of having these kids in her room and no teacher should be forced to compromise her health for the job.

This is why it absolutely kills me every time I see a story on the news or being circulated on social media of a school fight in which the teacher is standing back, and sometimes recording, the situation. And every Dork, Ignorance, and Turd is flinging their hate at the teacher for not jumping into the fray.

To start, parents have an obligation to teacher their children about dealing with conflict in a healthy and non-violent way. It starts in infancy and continues throughout their life. The mentality of hitting back being ok is utterly ridiculous to me. That’s how the majority of this crap gets started. And just because you TELL your kid to never start it doesn’t mean they’re gonna listen to you. All you’ve done is give them an out and an excuse for their violence. The scapegoat is that the other kid MAY HAVE touched them first. But since both kids are saying that, how can we possible know for sure? Kids can not navigate the gray in life and when someone playfully punches their arm, not realizing they are in a bad mood or just not up for a joke, it goes south. Fast.

I’ve heard it a million times. “My mamma told me I can hit back!” “I didn’t really hit him!” “You did too!” “Dude, I was playing. I was telling a joke!”

That’s another lesson my kids learn early. Play turns real too easily. Don’t start the play and you won’t end up in a fight. If you can’t teach your kid a few non-violent solutions to their problems and they aren’t comfortable coming to you to help with them, you need to re-think what you’re doing.

Second, a huge reason teachers don’t step in is because most, if not all, schools have a team of staff members who are “properly” trained on how to handle physical problems. And if someone who is not trained steps in, they could potentially face losing their job. So maybe they want to help, but they also know that they NEED to be there tomorrow to help the students process what happened. Some children are not equipped to process that without a little guidance. And others may fear their teacher from that day forward if they see her pulling two crazy kids away from each other or, heaven forbid, restraining someone.

Now let’s talk about the recording. What are you worried about? That the truth will be preserved? That the school will be able to see exactly what happened?? Everyone always jumps to privacy. Newsflash: every teacher who records that is doing it strictly for the sake of documentation, and sometimes for their own protection. They turn it over to administration, verify that it was received, then delete it from their device. We aren’t stupid.

But do you know what IS stupid? Thinking that two kids who got into a brawl are going to be honest about what happened or even be capable of remembering everything said and done in a fight. And you would be shocked at just how often kids will lie and claim that a teacher somehow caused damage when they weren’t in it at all. For whatever reason, schools have stopped trusting the people they hire and instead listen to the emotionally unstable minor with everything to lose.

So let’s return to the pictures above. I already told you what went down. Want to know the aftermath? Not much. I filled out an incident report with a sub nurse who didn’t even look at me, then I went back to my class. The boys who were fighting? They were put in buddy rooms for the rest of the day. That’s it. Now, ask me if I got an apology. I’m sure by now you know the answer is no. That kid was strutting down the hall the next day, looking at me as if he owned me. And I’m not allowed to talk to him about what happened or what he did because I’m supposed to trust that the office/administration staff “took appropriate action” and nothing else needs to be done.

Let me tell you: if I ever found out that my kid did this to any teacher, they would be marching their rotten little butt into that classroom and delivering one hell of an apology as well as performing some kind of service for that teacher for a while. Cleaning tables, picking up garbage, erasing white boards. Hell, I’ll come up with something to help that teacher out. And my kid will have no privileges at home for a while either! They will fully understand the weight of their actions. Until all evidence of bruising is gone, they will do that teacher’s bidding courteously and with a smile! And you better believe I would make sure the teacher knew that they do not have to go easy on my child with these tasks because they sure as hell didn’t go easy when giving those bruises!

And if I were the administrator of a building where one of my staff got hurt, I’d be checking in with them daily to make sure they’re alright. Oh wait, I did do that in retail management. It was really easy too! “Hey, how are you doing today?” “How’s the arm feeling?” “Let me know if you need anything, ok¿” See? Easy.

Legally, I could press charges against this kid’s parents for what was done to me. You bet your boots I can! Since no one ever actually made this kid face what was done to me, it’s incredibly tempting. But alas, I also have consequences to think about. And for me, making sure that someone is held accountable for my injuries also means that I would probably not be invited back next year. I would be viewed as vindictive and/or a loose cannon.

So stop attacking teachers for taking care of themselves and their livelihood. Stop assuming that a teacher stepping in suddenly causes everyone involved to magically diffuse and walk away. It doesn’t happen that way. Start talking to your kids daily about what happens around them and to them and how to handle it in a non-violent way. Be supportive of their teachers. They are doing everything they can to teach not just your child, but many others at the same time. And I’m willing to bet that some of the subject matter they’re pouring into their minds is not always something you fully grasp yourself.

What’s Wrong With Schools Today

There is a widespread problem with our school system today that I fear has no end in sight. There are two pieces to it that, if continued, will breed the most entitled, selfish, and cruel generation we have ever seen. The pieces? Permissiveness and overuse of positive reinforcement.

I believe being permissive with poor behavior is straight up poisonous. And I’ve seen this poison leach its way into my life time and again. I currently find myself in a district that has…shall we say…less than model citizens in it? Prior to this school year, the rumor is that the principal of the building gave the students free reign over everything. And if they didn’t like something, all they had to do was get their parents to the school and they could yell and cuss at the teachers all they want. The goal this year was change. New staff, new administration, new school.

We started our year strong, with the students learning the hard way that their actions had consequences. But then something happened. Administrators were told to “stop criminalizing black youth” (80% of the district populous). Stop feeding the school to prison pipeline. Translation: no more suspensions.

Kids aren’t stupid, they saw the changes. And they ran with it!

Once the consequences – the meaningful ones, anyway – were removed, the staff as a whole started to lose our love of teaching, because we now spend our time fielding the worst behavior and attitudes imaginable. And reporting these behaviors was far too often met with a dismissive look or wave of the hand, because they had ‘bigger fish to fry’.

There is a video making the rounds online right now of a man reading reasons students received detention in some random school district. The reasons he reads are hilarious. To most they’re hilarious because you wonder how kids come up with the things they do. For me, it was hilarious because I deal with far worse on a daily basis and see zero consequence or change.

This year alone, I have seen and heard more than most of you can even imagine. Students threatening teachers with PHYSICAL VIOLENCE, actually being physically violent toward students AND teachers, weapons brought to school, marijuana in the bathroom (elementary school), more fist fights than I ever thought I’d see in my life, guns and ammunition in student backpacks, students walking/running out of class, slamming the doors behind them, cussing out students and teachers alike, and much, much more.

Not one of these students has been expelled. Only a couple of them had any kind of suspension (and never long enough to actually have an impact on the student or their family). Now, one of the students is no longer in my building, but I’ve heard they were just moved to another school. Some of these things certainly appear to be against the safe schools act, so why isn’t there more action?

The school to prison pipeline.

Too many districts are obsessed with this. And yes, it exists. There are schools that are far too punitive with black students while giving a slap on the wrist of a white student. I don’t deny that. It’s so real it hurts. We are the opposite. We allow them to get away with so much it’s scary.

So how does one solve this issue? A clear, concise, parent-signed, disciplinary policy. For every possible behavior you can imagine, there needs to be a consequence. For the ones you cannot imagine, they get placed into the most appropriate category and instantly added to the policy for future reference. Offense 1: consequence 1. Offense 2: consequence 2. And so on and son on until you reach expulsion. I mean it. For EVERY offense. If your kid can’t wrap their mind around that fact that cussing out a teacher is not ok, then if they do it enough they get suspended or even expelled.

What does that teach kids? That their actions carry consequences. That in the real world, you do not get to threaten and hurt people and get away with it. Students need to be learning for their future. And what I see when we do not provide consequences for actions is that we are preparing them for a future life in prison, because no one ever helped them realize that their actions carry very real consequences in life.

Now, unfortunately, I haven’t even begun to wind down, because there are two pieces of this downfall, remember? So next up, positive reinforcement.

This is a system that can be extremely effective when used properly. It can also be abused so heavily that kids only learn manipulation, not appropriate behaviors.

Positive reinforcement is great if you’re wanting to reward someone for going above and beyond the typical expectation. In the real world, adults are rewarded for the same thing. We get recognition for developing a new system of analyzing data or increasing productivity. We get compensation for creating an innovative and more efficient way of completing a necessary task. Kids should experience this too.

The trouble comes when we reward EVERYTHING. And when the rewards have no connection with the action. My personal favorite is candy. Just sugar em up for any old reason!

I’ve watched students blatantly disregard instructions from staff members, even cuss at them, and then they are handed a piece of candy on their way out the door at the end of the day. I’ve been asked point blank how one of my students has done in their day. When I responded with, “not too great”, that student was handed candy! I’ve seen students threaten several teachers, then get candy from the person who “always has candy”. I’ve seen students run up to the candy person saying “I had a good day!” and get candy without ANY kind of verification from an adult. I’ve been able to flat out contradict these proclamations on many occasions, but once they promise to have a good day tomorrow, here comes the sugar!

You cannot. Let me say this again: you CANNOT reward kids for nothing. It teaches them that they will get rewarded for next to nothing. And then, when the reward disappears, they will rebel. I once heard about a gentleman who was so frustrated by kids waling through his lawn that he used the reverse of this to end his problem. He paid the kids to walk on his lawn. They were already doing it, so they got something for nothing. Eventually, he quit paying them. They were so mad the money had stopped, they refused to walk on his lawn anymore. Brilliant man, but he was still out all that money because kids no longer care about doing what is right for the sake of doing what is right. They only want to do what is easy for them or what they are rewarded for.

In the real world, no one is going to pat you on the back for punching your time card. No one will sing your praises for turning in a required report. NO ONE will throw you a party for doing the bare minimum of your job requirements. We have to stop teaching children that expectation. If we don’t, they will all enter the real world thinking they can do whatever they want. They will never be able to hold down a job because no one will put up with their lazy and entitled behavior. If you have a child who comes home from school mad because they had their recess taken away, you better not say a word that suggests it shouldn’t have been done. Ask them why it happened. If they did something wrong, reinforce with them that they better do what they are supposed to do next time around. If they don’t get the picture, make sure they have consequences at home as well. Children must learn, and learn young, that if they are not doing what is expected, there are consequences, and those consequences grow with repeated offenses.

In the real world, being late to work once is often a verbal warning. A second offense is a write-up. Third offense is write up AND sit down conference with the boss. Late to work four times in a given time period and you stand to lose your job. Often times the reasons for your tardiness do not matter to your employer. They only care about having prompt and professional employees.

Now, if your child comes home and tells you about a consequence they endured that you truly believe to be unjust or too harsh given the action, you should absolutely advocate for your child…PRIVATELY.  Don’t tell your kid you’re gonna go to the school and “show them a thing or two”, “tell them what’s what”, or even “handle it”.  That only tells your child that they don’t have to suffer the consequences of their own actions AND that mommy and daddy will fix all their problems for them.

LIFE JUST ISN’T THAT WAY.

Tell them to shape up or expect the same consequence or worse next time. But honestly, go to the school. Ask to speak to administration if you truly believe something unjust has occurred. Sit down and have a CALM discussion about what you child has told you and ask how the consequence aligns with district policy. Nine times out of ten I would wager that you child left something out. Something big. Something they were hoping you wouldn’t find out. On the off chance that something really did go wrong, you can work with the school to remedy the issue while maintaining with you child the need for respecting authority figures.

Now, many districts require that teachers or administrators contact parents for all behavioral infractions. But to be honest, if you’re the kind of parents who seems to not care, not support the staff, or constantly get pissed off about being called on your kid’s behavior, you’re probably gonna get fewer and fewer calls. They may even intentionally call you when they know you can’t answer so they can just leave a message and document that an attempt at contact was made. Make no mistake, schools pick up on ALL of that. If all you do is complain about the phone calls and tell the teacher she “clearly doesn’t know how to do her own job”, I invite YOU to look at your parenting. What level of respect are you teaching your watching child? Because believe me, they are watching and listening. They are learning how to treat others…from you.

So, schools need to have a cut and dry policy for behaviors and their consequences. Parents should be made aware of these policies right off the bat, parents should only let their children see their complete and total support of these policies, and we should all stop rewarding momentary decency. By all means reward someone for going above and beyond, but there should be no reward for simply doing what is expected.

Kids can handle this. They could handle more. Kids in Japan make their own meals and clean up their own schools, toilets and all. We just keep lowering expectations and wondering why we have ignorant entitled youth as a result. You don’t have to look far to find the answers.

High School Was The Lemon. Life Didn’t Hand It To You.

I recently had my 10 year high school reunion.

What. A. Nightmare.

Let’s not mince words here; I hated high school for the most part. I was bullied relentlessly all through elementary school – only ever having one or two friends – which lead to a poor social life all through my formative years. Granted, I did have more friends once more people were attending my school. These people didn’t know what a ‘loser’ I’d been as a kid unless they quickly succumbed to the arrogant asses I’d spent those first few years enduring. Nonetheless, I happily fell into step with those who didn’t care they were smarter than most as well as the ones who metaphorically told everyone else to fuck off if they didn’t like what they said and did. Quite the combo, right? Worked for me. I was smart and jaded. Anyway, I went through school absolutely convinced I would be glad to get far far away from the idiots in my school.

Well, as our reunion approached, I began to hear rumors. Then those rumors were confirmed and I grew concerned. I had already purchased tickets because several of my friends had previously discussed attending the reunion, though no definitive plans in either direction had been made. I just hoped most of them would stick to the original, albeit rough, plan.

Oh, the rumors. Right. Well, our committee in charge of the reunions (wonderful people, let me tell ya) decided to bail. They not only bailed, but they disappeared off the face of the planet. In a time where EVERYONE is connected through social media, these people went as far as deleting their facebook accounts to ensure they would be hard to find. Not only that, but the funds our class worked so hard to build in school were mysteriously non-existent. The entire event got piled onto one person. This is a person who I actually didn’t hate. We were never really close, but she also never mistreated anyone to my recollection, no matter their differences. Her entire family was actually quite involved with the school. Well, I found out that this girl had taken out a personal loan to fund the reunion. Then I found out that a classmate was planning on creating a random playlist and that would be our music for the event.

Now, I had already paid more than $50 to attend this shindig, and the fact that there would be nothing more than a computer controlling what we listened to pissed me off. I was connected with a few DJs in the area, so I offered to ask for some assistance. I even found someone willing to donate the funds for said DJ if someone was available to further lessen the financial burden on this girl. Though I made it VERY clear that it was not a sure thing, but simply an idea and that they should all proceed as planned unless I told them otherwise. They both agreed.

Well, when the DJ I was in touch with failed to find a sub for his regular gig, I informed the two from my class who were involved. Neither of them responded for nearly a week. They waited until the day of the reunion to say something. “Wait a minute. I thought this was a done deal. I didn’t bring any of my equipment with me.”

Now, just in case this was truly my fault, I went and re-read my messages to him. Nope, there was no mistaking what I said. I made it clear that he needed to proceed as originally planned unless he heard otherwise from me. That never happened.

Now we’re in a bigger jam because he can’t read. So we’re now 4 hours from the start on the reunion and the best thing we have in an iPod, but no speakers.

This was even worse. So what did I do? I pulled every string I had. I got equipment. I got music. I figured it all out for these people I didn’t really even care about. My husband ended up running the music. How much does THAT suck?

Now, being the givers that we are, we kept smiles on our faces the whole night while the douche canoes I survived through school spent the night hovered at the bar, despite our best efforts to get people dancing, or even requesting music. Every effort just seemed to make the bar tender more and more money.

Then came the cherry on top. The girl always known to be…well…less than proper, requests a song. The first request made all night from someone other than those in my group. Fancy. Of course. It’s a current popular song, and it is pretty catchy. But then we got the spend the next three and a half minutes watching her and one other girl on the dance floor rhythmically opening and closing their legs and gyrating on each other. All I kept thinking was, “while most of us also have that incredible ability, we typically save it for the bedroom.”

I really shouldn’t have expected any less from these people, but there was one thing that just made the entire night not even slightly worth it…

We paid for two tickets to attend the reunion and mingle with old friends. Not only did my husband spend the whole night at a computer not participating, but this was the FIRST event I have attended in my ENTIRE life in which the DJ was not publicly recognized or even thanked for his time. We PAID to play music for these ungrateful asshole and all we got was a Facebook message, “Tell your husband thanks for doing the music for us.”

Well fuck you very much. My husband is so much more patient and forgiving than I am. You bitches did me wrong for 13 years of my life. Now you’ve wronged my husband too. Fuck. You.

And while I’m sure it goes without saying, let me make it crystal clear that I will not be attending any more reunions for my class. Maybe, MAYBE, some day down the road when there is a multi-year reunion I’ll consider going. But as long as these people are the ones in charge, they will not get another dime of my money. Fuck that.

Now, if you graduated high school after me, let me let you in on the big secret: reunions are dead. They are now pointless. Social media had taken away any real need for a reunion. Those who want to keep in touch, do. Now, chances are you’ll run into a few cool people you’ve lost touch with, but for the most part it won’t be worth it. It’s just an expensive night out during which you’ll be looking at a bunch of people you’ve chosen to not stay connected with. Dumb.

I really needed to get that off my chest.

This just makes me mad

I am starting off by saying a may offend a few people with this post. If you’re offended, stop reading it. I’m not twisting your arm to stick around.

What this post really comes down to is food, but I’m connecting it to school.

In one of the two elementary buildings I work in, I was informed a few weeks ago about a third grader who has already started her period. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I started in 6th grade, as did most of my friends. Some started later, but 5th and 6th grade was when it happened for my generation. So 3rd grade!?!? EGAD!! But that’s not all…

Today I was invited into a conversation with a small group of teachers who frequently encounter a different little girl. Apparently she has had several tests and her mother has been told she will have her first period ANY DAY. Here’s the crazy part; she’s 7. She’s in FIRST GRADE!!! And do you think the mother had talked to this little girl about what’s going to be happening to her body?? Nope!! So today she ran to her teacher in panic saying her “juices” were coming out. She has no idea what’s happening to her body. Oh, and she’s also experiencing cramps, but she’s not intellectually able to define or understand these occurrences.

Now, I know there are a ton of little girls across the country starting their period much earlier than in the past. The thing that gets me is parents continue to ignore the reason for all of this.

Let’s get real simple here. What causes a period to start? Hormones! What causes menstrual  symptoms, complications and onset? HORMONES! What do food producers constantly fill our food with?!?!?! Let me hear it! HORMONES!!!!!!

Now, I’m not saying you’re a bad parent if you take your kid to McDonald’s now and then, or anywhere else for that matter. However, I AM saying you’re a bad parent if fast food is a staple in your child’s diet. I know there are many other sources, but seriously, if you’re gonna take your kid to a fast food joint every day or even every other day, you might as well let them drink pure gasoline. It’ll have equally tragic consequences.

I am far from a health nut. I eat fast food sometimes. I drink alcohol. I put things in my body that I could easily so without. The trick is that I do all of this in moderation. I tell myself no. When I have kids, they’ll hear “no” frequently. It’s part of being a responsible adult and parent.

Oh, and just a little food for thought: early onset puberty is linked to early onset uterine, ovarian and breast cancer in girls. So stop feeding your children poison all the time and give their bodies a chance to thrive!!

Also, please use turn signals on the road.

Excuses are like…..

I have a job in which I sometimes have to deliver less than desirable information to parents. Every now and then a parent is truly flabbergasted by information I give them, Unfortunately, most of the information I have to give parents (in the beginning) is all negative. Failing in a certain academic area, unable to communicate, violent as hell. I could pretty much guarantee I’m not the first person to say something to the parent (mostly because it’s illegal to test a kid without parental consent), but that doesn’t stop parents from crying, yelling, feeling guilty and being generally upset with the special education process.

I get it. I get it all. I can’t imagine how torn up I’d be in I had a kid not able to learn the way everyone else does. I would never want hardship for my kids. HOWEVER, trying to avoid the situation doesn’t do anyone any good.

In my career I have had my fair share of parents making up bogus excuses to not show up…for anything…ever. So you all know; that’s a red flag to an educator. It wouldn’t take much more to report you to social services for suspicion of…well…the options there are endless. Avoiding the school is a great way to get more attention than you want.

So when meetings come up – heck, even conferences – it’s kind of important to communicate with the school. So let’s just say your child has been referred for evaluation. Fine. We want to meet with you. Okay. You don’t want to come and listen to all the negative things? Awesome. TELL THE SCHOOL! You can absolutely ask us to hold a meeting without you there for ANY reason. And guess what?¿ No testing can be completed and no changes in academic coursework can be made without written consent from a parent.

I have had parents who just didn’t want to know everything that was wrong with their kid and just wanted us to send what needed to be signed. By law, I have to provide copies of all paperwork, but no one is twisting the parent’s arm to read it. I have also had parents who “knew” they were responsible for at least part of their kids problems and were embarrassed. We get that. We don’t blame you. We can’t. We can’t possibly know what happened when you were pregnant and in today’s world there are a million things that can affect your child without you willingly causing it.

So why, OH WHY, do I get parents who make up the most transparent excuses to not come meet about their kid? If you mysteriously get a migraine EVERY time there’s a meeting at school but are miraculously healed by the time you need to pick them up, that’s fishy. If you get injured in the same way every time…fishy.

I personally could not care less why you don’t want to be at those meetings. Just call me and say “hey, I don’t really want to sit in at that meeting. Can you hold it without me?” Sure can! I’ll send you the paperwork in the mail. Have a nice day!

I still can’t do anything without your consent, but you sure as heck don’t need to sit in a conference room and listen to us detail all the struggles your kid is having. Thanks for trusting us enough to make some necessary decisions in regards to your child’s education.

Sorry, but I HAD to get that off my chest.

 

End rant.

Humanity is dying

Some days I am truly saddened by the current state of humanity.

I read an article today about some school in Indiana wanting to hold an anti-gay prom. There was even a teacher supporting it publicly. It blows my mind that so many people think it’s a choice. No. What religion you follow is a choice. Who you are and how you feel are not. You choose your actions, but you don’t choose how you feel about things.

It’s parent-teacher conference week in my district. Being between two schools I have to be extra vigilant to make it to my conferences. The teachers all ignored my several weeks in advance e-mail reminding them of the days I’m in building. Now I’m running myself ragged back and forth half way across town just trying to make it to the ones I consider high priority. One teacher actually had the nerve to call me lazy and tell me I had “no idea what it’s like to work hard for student”. Really?!? Then why can’t you modify a single assignment for the sped students in your room? That shit’s required BY LAW.

Just about every adult out there has to drive to and from work every day. There are the obviously exceptions of public transit and other things, but most of us do. Yesterday, I watched no less than 8 people get cut off by jerks for absolutely no reason. Most of those jerks then proceeded to slow down until the person they cut off was forced to pass them. 90% of the time I see all of this transpire without a single turn signal involved.

Now for a somewhat surprising positive. I am young. I’m not teenager, but I’m still young. I like to go out to a bar with my husband or a good friend, have a drink and sit and talk. I meet some of the kindest people in bars. Both drunk and sober there is more positivity in a bar than almost anywhere else in the world around me. And that’s saying something considering how often people in bars get a little too drunk and handsy.

My conclusion? Everyone should go to a bar, have a drink and RELAX! Then try to actually treat people like you want to be treated. Pass, don’t tailgate, don’t cut off. Use signals to let others knows what you’re thinking. Don’t criticize the people who bust their ass off for you simply because you couldn’t honor one simple request (or follow the law as the case may be).

Calling All Resources!!

Life is one giant roller coaster. No one can deny that. When you reach the top of the hill, your heart is racing, body shaking, and you can’t keep the smile off of your face. Then the car tips and plummets. It’s a wild ride, but you end up at the bottom. The bottom is a terrible place to be, so I turn to cyber space for some advice and resources if I can get them.

My year has been…dismal. Obviously, I’m a teacher. I still consider myself fairly new to the profession, but I know enough to not need direct help all the time.

My problem is this: I hate my current position. I’m stuck in a place I didn’t ask for in the first place and only accepted out of desperation for spousal relocation. In my year, I have been put into physical therapy by a student, been told that I’m only allowed to call in sick when it’s convenient for my school, been forced to get further certification for the position I hate without a penny of reimbursement and dealt with the general inconsistencies of special education that plague the entire education system.

So what do I want? A change. A big one. When I was forced to get a certification I never wanted, I chose to get an additional one on my own. Now I want to teach middle school math. It was always my strongest subject and numbers are soothing for me.

The trouble is that I am too good at what I do now, and it’s a field always in need. The bigger problem is that my field is always in need because of how messed up it is and how easy it is to burn out (been there for two years now). Making the switch is a very difficult task.

Even more difficult is that I want to become an online teacher. When internet school first began, it was for students who wanted more than regular school and students who were too sick to go to school. Now it’s for anyone and everyone, but the burden of completed work is more and more on the student, not the teacher. It’s not just homebound anymore. It’s virtual schooling!! I want to teach middle school math online. It will give me the ability to teach a subject I love during comfortable waking hours in the comfort of my home, I would still get to interact with my students, AND I would have a great opportunity to get a smaller second part-time job for social interaction at which I could be myself. I feel as if I haven’t been myself since the day I set foot in a classroom. I’m sick of catering to parents who get to use the system to get what they want and I’m sick of districts bending over backwards to give it to them. Schools used to support their teachers,but it isn’t always the case now.

So my question to the world:
How do I break into the online teaching gig??!? Finding a middle school math position is difficult enough as I’m quickly learning, but doing it online makes the job pool even more scarce. I would take a website, company name, phone number, anything.

The day I get out of special ed and, hopefully, out of the classroom, is the day I can return to being myself and maybe regain my happiness again. I’m doing this for more than just myself. My husband deserves the best parts of me, not that parts left over after I’ve been chewed up and spit back out by educational bureaucracy. Any help is much appreciated.

The Day the Grammar Died

Grammar. Many years ago people attended grammar school. Today we call it elementary school. Either way, I’m pretty sure you learn the basics at a young age. A very common pet peeve today is when someone uses the improper tense or spelling of a word. For those of us who get it, it’s a great invitation for grammatical banter. For those who don’t, it just emphasizes their weakness.

There was such a conversation on Facebook today. By the time I saw it, several people had engaged in all the banter I enjoy, so I simply left a comment of agreement. It was then followed by an extremely snarky comment by a lady I thankfully do not know. She basically said that to the people who had a kid in high school, it was rude because those people never learned this material.

I held my tongue then, but not now. How on earth can having a child in high school prevent you from learning how to speak and spell?!? Pretty sure I learned all of that before middle school. Lord knows it was set in stone before high school!! So even if you gave birth and dropped out before Christmas of your freshman year, you should still know what a contraction is. To satisfy my current smarmy mood, I’m going to go design several posters to make this kind of grammar idiot proof.

Oh, and if you’re gonna blame your kid for your stupidity, you should probably think who made the decision to create said child. A lack of forethought was in place long before the birth. And in case you didn’t notice, dictionaries are as readily available online as memes.

In summation, learn how to properly spell the words you want to use. It’s really not that hard.